It’s Okay to be Comfortable
It’s okay to be comfortable. This is such a simple message, yet a powerful one. Throughout my life, I’ve had to fight and adapt, sacrificing my comfort for the sake of survival. I have had to navigate through prolonged periods of homelessness, physically and sexually abusive environments, and poverty-induced gang and substance abuse environments. Despite the conditions of my upbringing and young adult life, I have been successful in not allowing my circumstances to determine my outcome. My prideful faith in perseverance gave me strength. However, overcoming these circumstances and environments did not leave me unscathed. I’ve carried great anxiety and tension, moving through life in a constant state of fight or flight. I used to be extremely proud of what I’ve been through and persevered through, and while I still am, I am now aware of the toll the trauma has had and all that it has taken away from me.
When you have had to fight for your life from your very first day on Earth, you normalize the trauma and never learn that basic comforts are a human right. At the time of my birth, my mother struggled with delivering me, leading to a C-section and a severe infection that put both of our lives in danger. In speaking with my mother about the day I was born, she speaks of malpractice that further exacerbated the risks and complications of my birth. My life after birth would consist of many traumas where my life was in danger. From being forced to play Russian roulette by older peers at the age of 7, sexual trauma, being held in garages and beaten with metal pipes at the age of 10 to toughen me up, consistently being threatened to be shot by close family members, being starved and subject to various forms of abuse from the elders in my life, to having to provide for the family and pay rent at 15, this is only the surface of my traumas. I say this not to trauma dump and gain sympathy but to highlight the extent of the trauma I have endured to provide context to how my experience has blinded me to how abnormal this is and how it has impacted me. Even still, when writing this, I lack the words to describe its severity adequately.
My childhood and young adult experiences have shaped me and explain my need for masochistic behavior. I gain intense fulfillment from challenging myself to extreme things. This has been positive in my life, as it has pushed me to always step out of my comfort zone, to be better, and to achieve my goals regardless of the circumstances. Yet, my childhood and young adult experiences have also left me with great anxiety and the inability to find inner peace and comfort up until this point. Until recently, I struggled with finding peace and being truly comfortable. I found my nervous system couldn’t relax. Through these experiences, I normalized fear and the need to survive, so even in the quietest of places, relaxing felt counterproductive to life.
Even within the stillness and safety of my own home, laid inside my mind were racing thoughts that filled the void of quietness with fears and anxieties that my life was under threat or attack. Laying next to my partner at the time, who had been nothing but caring and loving, I would struggle to fall asleep some nights due to fears that she may kill me. In the past, I have spent a large portion of my life in environments where being killed felt like a viable option. I realize the impact that it has had on me, making me unable to relax, to be at peace, to find comfort, and to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, this is a reality for too many Black people in the United States. From systemic violence, and poverty-induced dangers, to the enduring wounds of generational traumas. These are not abstract concepts but harsh truths that shape our existence. We must heal, we must find inner peace, and we must find comfort.
In my journey towards healing, I’ve come to understand a profound truth: it is okay to be comfortable. This seemingly simple idea, so easily taken for granted, was a revelation for me. For years, I struggled to relax, to find peace, to allow myself vulnerability. The normalized traumas I endured had seeped into my very being, disrupting my ability to feel safe in moments of calm.
To anyone who battles with finding inner comfort amid normalized trauma, I urge you to unlearn the fear that has been ingrained in you. Take the courageous steps to reclaim your sense of peace. It is a transformative gift that you deserve — to exist without the weight of constant vigilance, to savor moments of calm, and to revel in the simple joys of the present. These are not luxuries; they are fundamental human rights that too often elude marginalized communities.
As I continue to navigate my path forward, I am learning to redefine existence beyond survival. It is about finding peace and comfort within myself, reclaiming what trauma has taken, and honoring the resilience that has carried me through. Each step towards comfort and healing is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and a reminder that, despite the challenges we face, we possess the power to create our narrative of resilience and hope. Acknowledging this truth has been a pivotal step in my healing journey. It has taught me the importance of reclaiming my right to comfort — to allow myself the space to breathe freely, to feel secure, and to embrace moments of calm without fear. It’s okay to be comfortable.
